Patrick’s Blog

There’s a commercial for roche pharmaceutical’s flu medicines, but they for some reason don’t make enough money to buy a 30 second spot on “To catch a thief”

What to do? Why the same thing disney used to do: do a freakshow combined ad.

The ad is for both the movie “Happy Feet”, the dancing penguin adventure love racing boxing buddy cop movie, and flu medicine.

…

well first off that doesn’t make a damn bit of sense.

and second, the two brands are trying to upstage each other. Flu words, but dancing penguins. Honestly, I don’t think any text with a detailed voice over can beat a dancing fucking penguin. It’s like somebody trying to tell you something important with Jim Carey pulling his ass apart saying “Polynomials! Polynominals”

I mean, if we took this ad in a different direction, it’s just as silly. Can you imagine a commercial for Viagra with say… Ronald McDonald and the Burger King in a no holds barred UFC style fight?

Actually that would be hilarious and I would buy a bottle of the stuff.

You listening Pfizer??

Well today was my last day working for GE Security, and while the job was really, really abysmal, I genuinely came to like everyone that worked there. I’ve never seen such a strange gathering of people who work in the same place.

They threw a surprise pizza party for me (cool!) and the manager of the shipping department (not a direct supervisor, the level above that) advised me that I was well liked enough for him to say that he’d be happy to have me back if things at my new job don’t work out.

Not like that will happen! I’ve wanted to work at this new place for a while, and the new place is just genuinely a cool company. I dig it. I do appreciate the idea, and that’s cool that he said that.

An amature boxer, a city cowboy type, a highschool kid, three immigrants from a country I’d never heard of (but produces large attractive women) a grouchy woman and a grouchy man from a different department, another highschool kid that doesn’t show up to work, and a military personality athiest running the whole show. If that isn’t the setting for a comedy show I don’t know what is.

So now I’m playing the waiting game for a background check. Maybe they’ll come here!

HEY BACKGROUND CHECK PEOPLE. I TOTALLY WANT THIS JOB! I ROCK AND MOST PEOPLE THINK SO!

Anyhow. I don’t have much other content other than THANK GOD I CAN FINALLY THINK AND NOT BE TIRED AND DIZZY ALL THE TIME. I freaking hated being that tired every day. That’s a lot of work! I’m a lot stronger now though. I can easily pick up 75lbs now (I could always get 75, but now it’s not a big deal) and I can press it above my head too. I’m so mighty!

4chan spilled onto digg again. That’s so funny. There was a massive raid between both /b/ pages on 4 and 7chan against some weirdo KKK guy. The audio is a riot.

People doing bel-air

people aids in the pooling.

people over9000ing.

lol chansites.

I get a million spams a day from this. I changed my comments to BLOCK COMPLETELY the comment if you put a hyperlink in it. It won’t email me, nobody will know. Please don’t do it.

Well I just finished watching an amazing film. The House of Flying Daggers. Now I won’t go into this movie, because you’re not interested. What I would like to talk about is why this movie exists.

So far as I see it, there are three reasons for this.

a: Sony wanted to sell pretty pictures and sound to go with their new tvs and surround systems.

b: The board of Chinese tourism put out a promotional video.

or c, someone really gave somebody several million dollars to make a movie for effeminate xenophiles like myself.

Those are the only answers. I swear.

Now this is fantastic. this is the definition of the 80s and it’s fantastic. Stallone, Hulk Hogan, and Mr T in one film. You can’t beat this.

So anyway. I went and got my new driver license. Now I know what picture the TV stations will use if there’s ever a nation wide manhunt. I have never had a crazier photograph taken of me. I’ll scan it when I get a chance. Man that is a nutty picture. It was like, she was reading a script or something, and taking the photo was mid paragraph. I was totally unaware she was even taking a photo until about 1/4 of a second before they activated the CCD. Crazywoman.

Anyway. It’s 8 years I’ll deal with that silly photo, so now I get to cause riotous laughter ever time I use it.

There’s a show called “Chasing Christmas” that’s on at 8:30 in the morning on sunday on ABC familiy. It’s like groundhog day, and a young creepy religious kid relives christmas day over and over again.This is really strange. Like, I think I’m suppposed to be a whole mormon family sitting around watching the show and having some kind of discussion about the content. There are bizarre situations and long commercial breaks after each scenario. Like, the commercial that I’m typing in here (it’s around a 5 minute break) was “trust your parents” essentially. Lets do a write up.

“Santa’s here! Welcome to the perfect christmas.”

Boy calls somebody “I need immediate service please. the jackson house”

he goes to discover his basketball hoop.

he bought a dog for the neighbor.

he opens the door for his dad’s brother, who crashes his car again, and destroys it this time.

tow truck comes.

hugs his dad.

rents 5 movies. Westerns this time. last time it was bruce lee.
goes to the diner

STEALS STUFF
calls his girlfriends mom

steals a car

kidnaps his girlfriend

wins a free dinner

lies to his girlfriend

gets creepy on his girlfriend and reveals he’s her stalker.

buys her a present

kisses her, but then the bully gets pissed.

immitates a movie guy, and pours milkshake on the bully.

bully threatens to kill him.

knocks out the bully

everyone claps, gives the owner a 20 and tries to kidnap his girlfriend, who then punches him.???

Girlfriend hates his guts ???

fucks up his obligations, and the old lady eats catfood for dinner. runs and cries.

Well I’m not sure what happened here. things seemed to be going allright until he stole the stuff from the shop. Then his life turned to crap. Well who knows what the lesson is here. I guess I’ll find out after the ads.

Cable tv ad. These are strange btw. They don’t market the superiority of the service, they say “John was laid off with twins on the way, but then the cable industry gave him a job. Cable allows john to live” essentially.

Oh we’re back.

Boy sneaks in, man who stole the car comes in, takes keys, dad and mom are upset with him. “Where were you?”

“YOU RUINED CHRISTMAS”

“YOU’RE GROUNDED”

“HE HAS TO KNOW THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES FOR HIS ACTIONS!!!”

Family argues amongst themselves.

oh the lesson:

“You have to try to learn from today, and not make the same mistakes”

“You don’t have to spend money on someone to be their friend”

reboot the day

Saves an old lady

Salves a girlscout

Brings food to the old lady (but runs away before she comes out)

news still says bad things happen.

his parents are still sad.

oooh parents go down the road to divorce this time. Boy they should really think this one out.

lets see what the lesson is…

“Love your family and love your friends. Everyone once in a while, step outside yourself and really see the people you care about and do your best and things will work out.”

“You shouldn’t worry about things you can’t do anything about. Love your family”

“I love you dad”
“I love you son, right now I need to make up with mom”

omfg this is killing me.

Wouldn’t it be lovely if this sort of thing was the worst type of deal that happened? Little drama crap with your family? It might seem that way when you’re a kid, but man, it seems so silly now that I’m an adult. Problems? These aren’t problems. A reasonable person can just talk out any issue here. It’s so strange how things in this country pretend to be so… well… 1950s america. Sure would be nice if it was the case. I’d love to go to the country store and have him go “Hey there patrick!” but it just doesn’t happen anymore. We have a store like that in wilsonville, but they’re on the way out, and there’s a home depot right down the road that’s destined to kill that store.

Wouldn’t it be interesting if we could fuck with the economy a little bit?

How about this:

Outsourcing outside the country is illegal.

Once your company has 1,000,000 dollar value, you need to split and dissasociate.

Can you imagine what that would do? Shit that’d be nuts. Anyway. I’m done watching this crap. I’m out.

“…well he IS japanese…”
“So am I! But it doesn’t make ME the ninja!”

The shit they used to say in cartoons.

HAHAHAHA. PWND! You Scurvy pigdog!
–Patrick

Are impossible. When I was a little kid, I managed to get to the last stage of teenage mutant ninja turtles. My friend accidentally knocked the power brick out of the wall, thus shutting down the NES. I never actually beat the game.

Well, today that’s changed. I just beat the origina TMNT game for the nintendo. There is absolutely no way in a thousand years that anyone could beat that game without cheating something hardcore. I had the ability to rewind the game whenever I wanted by using an emulator on the PC, and it still took me several hours, and was very very difficult. I just can’t imagine anyone ever getting to the end of that game without severe cheats.

But anyway. I did it. I killed shredder. For some reason splinter turned back into an ugly man, and then the turtles and april celebrated by eating pizza.

…

THAT WAS LAME!